When someone asks you for “the Truth” in a matter, be very careful; when that person is close to you, or a family member, be extra-double-super-careful.
If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. – C. S. Lewis
The “Truth” is generally a trucky philosophical question to pose; “things” within themselves aren’t good or bad, right or wrong… they either are or are not. What we all need to realise is that truth is what we see as the truth, our own judgements on these things. When people ask, and want to know the truth, most of the time they arent sure of something themselves; most of the time they’re asking for an opinion, one they hope will align with they’re own current beliefs. They are really asking for reassurance, not Truth.
We would all like to be reassured at times when a big decision needs to be made, and we’re not quite sure within ourselves. It would be nice to pose a situation & ask a friend what they think. Generally when someone asks for the truth, and there is a reply, there are two outcomes: (a) Should the response align with our own beliefs then that “Truth” serves to make us feel better about our own judegements, and we feel closer to our friend or (b) the response doesnt align with our own beliefs then that “Truth” serves to make us feel worse about our judegment, & we feel removed from our friend.
Think for a moment about the last time you had to make a huge decision, an important decision, and you sought the counsel of someone else. You asked them to, “go ahead, tell me the truth”. Remember the response? How did it make you feel, did it fall into one of the two categories mentioned above? I feel in being Mindful, we need to think about why we are asking the question. Mindful of why we ask what we ask, what our reaction or response is to the words that are returned to us. Anger and confusion about a situation means that we are Fused with an idea, we feel this frustration because we are suddenly inflexible about something in our life.
Fusion with an idea and inflexibility are the greatest sources for pain in our lives.
Life is Subjective, we need to be that way to live life sometimes; but being subjective is an emotional and reactive life. We get a completely different perspective on life and situations when we are objective; this is what Mindfulness does for us, it gives us another point of view that isnt reactive or emotional. Mindfulness lets us “respond and not react”. Someone else who gives us their perspective is being objective, almost the same objectiveness that comes from being mindful.
So in being mindful, when we “ask for the Truth” what questions should be be asking ourselves about what we want, and how we should respond to the answers that follow:
(a) Ask the right question?
Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers. – Robert Half
If you want someone’s opinion, ask for their opinion & not truth; we can be objective about opinion, it belongs to someone else.
(b) Do you really want to hear the truth?
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. – Bertrand Russell
If you trust someone enough to ask them for the truth, then that person is close enough to think youll use the info in the manner its intended, to help & assist, not be taken as an offence. Are you prepared to have something you believe in, or an ideal you have been working for, questioned by someone else? Are you Mindful and Open to the idea that you may, in fact be just as right as you are wrong about something?
(c) If the truth makes us angry/upset?
It’s really interesting to me how all of us can experience the exact same event, and yet come away with wildly disparate interpretations of what happened. – Marya Hornbacher
Its never usually about what was said, if usually about us. Have we questioned ourself in light of new “evidence”? Do we now feel “stupid” for not “seeing what other people saw” as clearly? Has one of our Hopes, Dreams or Beliefs been shattered & we’re upset? If we are reacting and being emotional, then we are not being Mindful.
It’s sometimes difficult, but generally, ask yourself this question: “Right now, in this very moment, an I REACTING or RESPONDING?” If you answer that you’re reacting to something, then its time to become mindful. Even when we are emotional we can still be Mindful, breathe through & open up to whats happening. This is an opportunity to grow, and as much as it might feel awkward or painful, we can still remain human and we will come out the other side of this feeling.
Anchor yourself in the Present moment, feel grateful & happy you have people in your life that Love & Trust you enough to be completely Honest.
Ive been through this situation many times, Ive come to welcome people challenging me, but it took a little while. In fact, I get a little uncomfortable if someone doesnt challenge me on a regular basis these days.
You cant be Mindful 100% of the time, but remember this…. if you find yourself Reacting & not Responding to a situation, its time to become Mindful.